I am so happy that spring is here! I have been slowly getting back into the groove of my afternoon walks and this is the most amazing time of year for that. It’s too bad I’m sort of allergic to air right now because my eyes water, and I sneeze a lot, but I will motor through. I’m such a soldier!
I cannot stop watching this. My mind is blown. Why aren’t my friends and I this amazing? Jealousy abounds.
It’s been almost a year since I’ve written on this blog. True to form, I lost interest. It’s like every journal I have ever tried to keep. I run out of things to say about the subject of the journal or blog, and then just quit altogether. A friend of mine sent me a link to his tumblr today, and that led me here, looking at words that defined where my head was at a year ago. I read over the few entries I’d written and found out that I like what I wrote. Even if I am not in the same headspace as last year, I don’t see why the blog has to end. This blog started as a journal of my weight loss journey, and when that went off course, so did the blog. More on losing weight later….that’s too heavy to restart with. (Heavy…weight loss..haha….no, you shut up.)
This is my second tumblr. I deleted the last one because I stopped writing. I didn’t really have much to say, which is ironic because I talk a lot. When I say a lot, I mean I am exceedingly chatty and it’s probably exhausting to my friends and family. I usually have an opinion and it’s generally followed by a pithy comment of some sort. That’s a lie. I’d like to think my comments were pithy, but I ramble too much for that. My thoughts are not concise nor overly meaningful, but they are abundant! Abundant in content, in constancy, and in sass. What I’ve decided to do is just post what I want. Who cares if there’s no purpose. Who cares if it’s a meaningless blog full of words but short on content. It’s my fucking blog and I’ll ramble if I want to! I’ll post pictures of things that make me happy. Or sad. Or giggly. I’ll post videos of things that I like. Even if my interest is fleeting, I’ll go with the moment. Because it’s my blog, and I can!
Oh Folly Beach. Overrun with tourists, yet beautiful and calming. I live five minutes from here.. I am a lucky girl.
While in DC we walked a lot. Two of my friends commented on how fast I was walking. I’ve never been a fast walker, and am not one by nature. But, being overweight has added to the lack of speed. It’s awesome that they notice and that they were impressed. I must say, I am glad I started walking regularly. Not only is it just good for me, but it made my vacation that much more enjoyable because I would have been miserable while trying to keep up and hike around the city every day. Little things like that are what make my weight loss journey better. It may seem like a small detail, but it’s a measurable one that made a difference for me. I have to keep it up because hearing my friends say that to me boosted my confidence. I’m proud of myself.
I just went on vacation in DC. Having grown up in Northern Virginia I had the unique experience of visiting the city many times as a kid. We went on field trips to The Smithsonians more times than I can remember. As I grew older, I rarely ventured into DC. You take for granted the beauty of your surroundings when you see it every day. Visiting again as an adult was fun! I went with my roommate and he had never been, so I got to see the city through his eyes. I suppose I had never appreciated it as much as I should have. It is really lovely. It’s regal and has a powerful beauty to it. So much history. So much that it’s hard to know where to begin the tourist adventure. I took over 800 pictures and have no idea how to begin organizing them! I took this one of the Washington Monument while standing near the Eternal Flame in Arlington Cemetary. So much beauty was surrounding me, I had to take pictures.
As far as a diet went…um…what diet? Yeah, it’s like that. I pretty much forgot that Weight Watchers existed. Thank God I walked around the city for hours ever day. While I did not track my points or calories, nor make good eating choices, I did get a lot of daily exercise. I have yet to weigh in and see what the wreckage is, but I will know on tuesday. I have six days to get my shit together. I think I can, I think I can…
I love going for my daily walks. It gives me a sense of peace and calm. I work in customer service and spend my days interacting with people, whether or not I care to. I always have to be “on”, and I am damn good at it. Walking gives me alone time. Time for reflection. Zen. A small part of my day wherein I do not have to deal with other people’s demands or needs. I can focus on myself. I have spent 35 years focusing on others and avoiding what I need. I have amazing avoidance issues. I am trying to confront those issues head on, and this blog is a little part of it. I haven’t shown this blog to anyone I know. I haven’t written anything deeply personal or embarrassing. Not yet anyway. But knowing it’s anonymous allows me the freedom to write anything I want, and maybe eventually I will be brave enough to delve deeper. I have tried keeping a journal but it never happens for long. I just end up doodling and drawing lots of pictures with an occassional paragraph. I’ve never been able to put my thoughts, fears, issues into words because I was terrified someone would read them. I have no idea why that is. I don’t have anything so dark and scary to journal about, but writing stuff down would force me to face things, which is not something a person with avoidance issues is good at!
My zen-like walks allow me time to reflect on my thoughts. And my issues. And I am finding that it’s not as scary as I thought it would be.
I’ve lost 20 lbs so far. I realize it’s just a teeny tiny bit of what I need to lose, but it still makes me happy. I should be losing three to four pounds a week considering how much woman I am, but that isn’t happening. It ebbs and flows. Some weeks are awesome (like last week’s surprising -4.4!), and some are shitty (+.8), but it’s a journey. I know I have a long way to go, and that I could be doing even better, but I’m human. I didn’t get this fat by being a go-getter. I am overcoming my slothlike ways to the best of my abilities. Most of the time.
Today was the exception. Actually, today was true to who I’ve been for most of my life, but the excpetion to who I have recently tried to be. I was beyond lazy. Shamefully, gloriously lazy. I managed to clean the kitchen. Throw in some laundry. Buy some cat food. And that is about it.
Tomorrow will be more productive. I am going to the park first thing to walk one or two trails. I am going to the store, the bank, and then back home to clean before vacation starts on wednesday! Then, I am going to hit the walking trails again to make up for today’s slothlike ways. Finally, dinner with a friend. While I did enjoy my lazy day, tomorrow should be much nicer and much more fullfilling. And much more indicative of the person I am striving to become.
This is one of my favorite pictures taken with my new camera. I just love the small bloom of red on the green. It’s like the leaves needed just a little flair, so they made their own!
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